When I was a Christian, in high school I decided that I wanted to be a martyr. This seemed the greatest act one could do for their faith. I still have a deep desire to give my life for someone else, be it in blood or time and energy. I want to have mattered to someone. Real love has a cost. It has an impact. It isn’t just words or feelings.

But what if this inclination ties into self-destructive tendencies? What if I have come to equate certain harms to myself as part of this love, this martyrdom? I don’t think this is actually the case, but it should at least be considered.